1
00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:07,053
One of these has got to work
for Neil's wedding tomorrow.

2
00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:08,417
I don't have time
to go shopping.

3
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:09,836
What do you think of this one?

4
00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:11,882
I think you better make
time to go shopping.

5
00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,319
Second opinion, Spencer?

6
00:00:16,407 --> 00:00:18,207
Please. I'm thinking about what
the strippers won't be wearing

7
00:00:18,235 --> 00:00:20,455
at Neil's bachelor
party tonight.

8
00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,243
And right now, all I can afford

9
00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:27,288
is 2 lap dances and
one really long hug.

10
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,288
But a trip to the
mall couldn't hurt.

11
00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:34,507
Well, Dee Dee, what
are you wearing?

12
00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:36,909
Something tasteful,
but understated,

13
00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:38,603
that won't outshine the bride.

14
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:39,910
But I thought the Dee Dee rule

15
00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:41,816
was to always
outshine the bride.

16
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:44,611
Except when attending the
wedding of an ex-boyfriend.

17
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:47,606
My relationship with Neil was
the most significant I've ever had,

18
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:50,219
which is why I'm going,
but with a few guidelines,

19
00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:53,231
Dee Dee: Like no small talk with
the groom... could look suspicious.

20
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,494
And I'll have to steer
clear of all male attention,

21
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,707
otherwise I could end up
dating Neil's best friend,

22
00:00:57,796 --> 00:01:00,506
which means Neil could end up being
the best man at my very own wedding,

23
00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:02,708
and then we're all a part
of each other's lives forever.

24
00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:06,763
Ever think you have too
much time on your hands?

25
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,941
Well, Dee Dee, I dated
Neil before you did,

26
00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:12,937
so, do I have to
follow these rules, too?

27
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,119
Please, that was years
ago. No one cares about you.

28
00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:23,948
♪ Through this
journey of discovery ♪

29
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:28,480
♪ you're finding
you, I'm finding me ♪

30
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:31,916
♪ now that I have
someone special ♪

31
00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:33,404
♪ who brings out the joy ♪

32
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,794
♪ brings out the joy ♪

33
00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:38,317
♪ inside of me ♪

34
00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:40,102
♪ we can become
whatever we want ♪

35
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,487
♪ all we need is lovin', yeah ♪

36
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,930
♪ that's the way I
feel it should be ♪

37
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:48,668
♪ you and me ♪

38
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,070
[Off-key] ♪ me ♪

39
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,807
Ok, ma, here are my earrings,

40
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,471
but I really, really like these,

41
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,295
so, can you try
not to lose them,

42
00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:04,663
suck them up in your vacuum,
or let your cat swallow them?

43
00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:07,952
I promise...

44
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,200
And Valentino is gonna pass
your sapphire hoops any day.

45
00:02:11,261 --> 00:02:12,961
He can keep them.

46
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,395
So, whose funeral is
this you're gong to again?

47
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:16,663
Bill Jones,

48
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:18,175
a man I dated after your father.

49
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:20,528
Sweet man, dies in his sleep.

50
00:02:20,618 --> 00:02:22,008
We should all be so lucky.

51
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,674
I don't remember any
men coming around then.

52
00:02:25,754 --> 00:02:27,544
Well, after my divorce,

53
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:30,235
I went through a period
I call the quiet years.

54
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:31,804
Oh, like when you didn't date?

55
00:02:31,890 --> 00:02:33,200
Oh, I dated.

56
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:34,813
I just chose to
keep quiet about it.

57
00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:37,588
Remember your uncle Henry?

58
00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:38,919
Well, you're old enough to know.

59
00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:39,941
He wasn't no uncle.

60
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:44,433
But he for damn
sure was my daddy.

61
00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:49,913
Wow! You and uncle Henry?

62
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,125
Yeah. And then there
was your fake uncle Terry

63
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,215
and your uncle booker.

64
00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:56,183
Ooh, booker. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

65
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,478
What that man could do with...

66
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:00,570
Ma?

67
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,882
Can we go back
to the quiet years?

68
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:13,145
Hey, how tacky were
those limos outside?

69
00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:14,736
One of them had
light blue velvet seats

70
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,409
and one of those
crown air fresheners.

71
00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:20,423
Neil and Janet worked very
hard to plan this wedding.

72
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:22,034
You shouldn't
judge and poke fun.

73
00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:23,594
Then why are we even here?

74
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:27,206
The whole point of a wedding
is to judge and poke fun.

75
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,603
I know, but I
can't risk it here,

76
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:33,598
or my behavior might be
interpreted as latent hostility,

77
00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:35,911
or "hateration," as
they call it in the streets.

78
00:03:37,608 --> 00:03:39,348
Right, ex-boyfriend etiquette.

79
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,176
Well, you're not
ruining this day for me.

80
00:03:43,048 --> 00:03:45,528
Ooh, I see balloons with
Neil and Janet's face on them

81
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,176
tied to all the pews.

82
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,360
Trestack-ay!

83
00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:51,668
Hey, Dee Dee. Hi, Mona.

84
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,323
Hey, Neil!

85
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:56,187
Everything is so,
so, so beautiful.

86
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,979
Nice touch with the
personalized balloons.

87
00:03:58,063 --> 00:03:59,203
Tresclass-ay.

88
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,239
Congratulations, Neil.

89
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,510
So happy to be here to
share in your special day.

90
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:07,073
I was hoping you'd come.

91
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,119
Well, we are still friends.

92
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,910
- Hey!
- Hey Spencer.

93
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:16,262
Do y'all have to
shout like that?

94
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:21,262
I see you're still feeling the
effects of the bachelor party.

95
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,348
Why you say that?

96
00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:26,217
'Cause you missed 3 buttons
and you got glitter on your nose.

97
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:28,009
What did you
get into last night?

98
00:04:28,093 --> 00:04:29,683
He brought his own
chocolate sprinkles...

99
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:31,054
Hey, hey, hey!

100
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:35,494
What happens at the bachelor
party stays at the bachelor party.

101
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:37,539
Just so you're prepared,

102
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,555
that stripper you were showing
special attention to is here.

103
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:42,893
She's play-cousins with
one of my groomsmen.

104
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:43,978
Tangerine's here?

105
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,976
Uh, she probably won't
recognize me anyway.

106
00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:51,941
She must see hundreds
of ripped abs every week.

107
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,470
What's up, sprinkles?

108
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:58,036
Tangerine! Hey,
how you doin', buddy?

109
00:04:58,123 --> 00:04:59,913
Actually, it's Susan
when I'm off the clock,

110
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,385
but I'm glad you recognize me.

111
00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:03,555
Most men only remember
me from the neck down.

112
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:06,917
Listen, I just
want to say thanks

113
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,612
for the generous
tip you gave me.

114
00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:11,699
I'm gonna save you a
dance at the reception.

115
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,049
Not that kind of dance.

116
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,010
You gave a generous tip?

117
00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:18,499
Even I've never
seen you that drunk.

118
00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:20,059
Aw, damn!

119
00:05:20,145 --> 00:05:21,885
I gave that girl a
hundred dollar bill.

120
00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:24,253
Man, that's the last time I let
some chick spank me with...

121
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,204
It's just the last
time, that's all.

122
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:32,375
I'd love to stay
and laugh at you,

123
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:33,642
but it's about that time.

124
00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:35,204
I'll see you guys
at the reception?

125
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,771
Uh, there's no open bar,

126
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:39,699
but there's a really
cool fruit punch fountain.

127
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:44,555
Are you ok?

128
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,128
Yep. That went
surprisingly well.

129
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:49,256
I can relax a little,

130
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,179
especially when there's an
exciting kool-aid fountain awaiting.

131
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,661
And what is up
with Neil's pimp tux?

132
00:05:56,747 --> 00:06:00,267
Did I notice a hint
of purple Paisley?

133
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,750
Yay, you're back.
This is gonna be fun.

134
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,430
Wait until you see
the bride's grandfather

135
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:05,631
in his count chocula cape.

136
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,589
He was so young.

137
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:13,896
Such a beautiful man.

138
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,070
How did you know bill?

139
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,988
I didn't.

140
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:21,213
I work for the funeral home. I
did his make-up for the wake.

141
00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,083
I was going for a vibrant look.

142
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:25,645
What did you think?
Did I over-foundation?

143
00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:31,703
No, I thought he
looked very lively.

144
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,652
You're too kind...

145
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:37,271
And a bit blotchy, if you
don't mind my candor.

146
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,787
Here's my card.

147
00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:42,837
I do wonders for
the undead, too.

148
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,454
[Woman crying]

149
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:47,024
That must be bill's
widow. Excuse me.

150
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,319
I am so sorry for your loss.

151
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,592
[Gasp]

152
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,024
Big Dee Dee? Phyllis?

153
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,610
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?

154
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,773
Bill and I were close.

155
00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,212
William and I were
extremely close.

156
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:01,726
[Both gasp]

157
00:07:01,812 --> 00:07:03,492
- You dated him, too?
- You dated him, too?

158
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,660
If it makes you feel any better,

159
00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,046
this happens at
least twice a week.

160
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,823
I love your make-up.

161
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:10,907
Flawless.

162
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:13,214
Call me.

163
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,041
Hurry up, Dee Dee. I don't
want to miss the wedding.

164
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:21,440
How often does one tiny
person need to apply lipstick?

165
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,100
It depends.

166
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,273
With a proper lining
and layering technique,

167
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,139
I can usually go about 3 hours,

168
00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:31,061
with gloss, sometimes 4,

169
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:34,316
so on average, I usually need
to reapply within 3 1/2 hours,

170
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,890
give or take 10 minutes, all
weather conditions being equal.

171
00:07:39,154 --> 00:07:41,244
Ok, by now, they're
honeymooning in Jamaica.

172
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:45,196
I'm fine. I just
need a minute...

173
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,726
And some calamine
lotion. Go, go!

174
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,336
On second thought,

175
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:52,346
just grab the scotch from
my grandmother's purse.

176
00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:54,214
[Whispering] That's Janet.

177
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,209
[Whispering] I know.

178
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,520
Let's introduce ourselves.

179
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,006
- Mona: No. No!
- Dee Dee: Yes! Yes!

180
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,306
Hi.

181
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:04,223
We just wanted to say how
happy we are to be here,

182
00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:06,269
and that everything
is truly perfect.

183
00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:07,835
Thank you.

184
00:08:07,922 --> 00:08:09,232
Do I know you?

185
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:10,754
I'm Dee Dee Thorne,

186
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:12,398
and this is my sister Mona.

187
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,932
We're old friends of Neil's,

188
00:08:14,015 --> 00:08:15,465
but I'm sure you want
to be alone right now,

189
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,705
so, ok then, buh-bye. Come here.

190
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,931
So nice to meet you.

191
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:22,411
Um, Neil's never
mentioned either of you.

192
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:24,807
Really?

193
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:27,987
Yep.

194
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:29,352
Please step away from the bride.

195
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,822
Dee Dee Thorne, law student,

196
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,433
fabulous apartment,
11% body fat?

197
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:38,043
Nope.

198
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,606
That's a "yep" and
a "nope." Let's go.

199
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:44,091
Wow. That is so strange
that he wouldn't mention me.

200
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:46,085
Why is it so strange?

201
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:50,357
It's just that I was his last
girlfriend before he met you.

202
00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:53,532
Neil didn't tell me he was
inviting exes to our wedding.

203
00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:56,617
Where's that scotch?

204
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,709
But, hey, he's totally
in love with you now.

205
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,501
He went on and on
about how great you were

206
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,195
when he came to see
Dee Dee at Christmas.

207
00:09:04,282 --> 00:09:06,152
He came to see you at Christmas?

208
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:07,811
He told me he was working.

209
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,808
Well, nice to meet you!

210
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,198
Yeah, happy wedding day!

211
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:13,420
Love the dress!

212
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:20,521
Heh heh heh heh.

213
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:24,832
Uh, so I was thinkin',

214
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:26,782
you know that
hundred I gave you?

215
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:30,400
Uh, could a brother get
some change back on that?

216
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,916
Fine and funny.

217
00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:35,788
I'm kinda diggin'
you, sprinkles.

218
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:44,278
"Neil loves you, Janet. He
told Dee Dee so at Christmas."

219
00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:45,366
What the heck was that?!

220
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,686
Well, I'm the one that
tried to get us out of there,

221
00:09:48,718 --> 00:09:50,718
but no, you had to open
up your glossy, little lips!

222
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:54,716
Ok, I'm sure everything is fine.

223
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:55,901
There's no need to panic.

224
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:03,821
Still no need to panic.

225
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,357
She's just getting
some air. She'll be back.

226
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:06,997
Janet: And I'm
never coming back!

227
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,437
Now can we panic?

228
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,362
Why would Janet run
out on our wedding day?

229
00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:20,013
- No idea.
- Not a clue.

230
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:22,749
'Cause women are tricky.

231
00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:25,279
They draw you in with
their thongs and pasties

232
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:28,893
and when they've got you
right where they want you... bam!

233
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:33,545
You're left with empty pockets
and a face full of whipped cream.

234
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,769
This is so humiliating.

235
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:40,094
Why didn't she just tell me she
was having second thoughts?

236
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,817
-No idea.-Not a clue.

237
00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:45,691
Hey, I just heard
there were 2 girls

238
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,485
in the bathroom with Janet
right before she ran out.

239
00:10:47,516 --> 00:10:48,556
Maybe they know something.

240
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,868
Why don't we go find them?

241
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,173
Good idea.

242
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:53,389
Nice detective
work, stripper girl.

243
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,222
What are you doing?

244
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:01,771
Did you follow me
here from the funeral?

245
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:04,531
You weren't hard to miss
in that jalopy of yours.

246
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:06,750
I simply followed the sparks
from your sagging muffler.

247
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,405
Speaking of sagging, I
have one word for you:

248
00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:12,145
Underwire.

249
00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:14,976
Tee-hee. Oh, doesn't it
bother you that we have

250
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:17,235
yet another man in
common besides Charles?

251
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:20,158
I mean, one is a
fluke, 2 is a pattern.

252
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:21,814
You dated bill before
you were married.

253
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,988
I dated him years
later. Small world.

254
00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:25,424
Stranger things have happened.

255
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:26,790
So don't you find it
highly coincidental,

256
00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:28,296
uncanny, and
extremely disturbing?

257
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:31,600
I find youdisturbing.

258
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:35,255
Don't you need to get something
lifted, tucked, or sucked out?

259
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:38,126
I intend to get to the bottom
of this odd connection.

260
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:40,659
I mean, what qualities
do men see in me

261
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:42,313
that they also see in you?

262
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,697
I mean, we're so different.

263
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,230
I'm refined and
sophisticated, and worldly,

264
00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:47,314
and you're just...

265
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:48,268
About to give you a beat down

266
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,009
if you finish that sentence.

267
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,320
See? So different.

268
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,276
You need to stop
obsessing and go home.

269
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,804
I am not obsessing.
I'm happy to let it go.

270
00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:57,109
Wait! I am not done with you.

271
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,674
I have questions that need...

272
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:04,289
Do you feel bad
we didn't tell Neil

273
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,065
about what happened with Janet?

274
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,360
Why do you think I'm eating
wedding cake without chewing?

275
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:11,171
[Knock on the door]

276
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:18,907
Neil...

277
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:20,569
Are you ok?

278
00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:21,652
No.

279
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:26,085
Hey, Mona.

280
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,570
Neil, what are you doing here?

281
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:30,980
I just wanted to be somewhere
where people weren't asking me

282
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,884
a million questions about Janet.

283
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:35,209
Have you seen her? Did she
say anything? What do you know?

284
00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:38,241
Maybe I came to the wrong place.

285
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,982
No. No, don't be silly.

286
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:43,554
You can hide out here
as long as you'd like.

287
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,902
Dee Dee, can I
talk to you privately?

288
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:50,162
Sure. Relax. Have some cake.

289
00:12:50,247 --> 00:12:51,067
Is this...?

290
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,161
Bad idea.

291
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,123
Help yourself to some
snacks in the kitchen.

292
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,560
- Ok.
- Ok.

293
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,193
What do you think you're doing?

294
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:02,688
Helping a friend.

295
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,502
We're still responsible
for what happened today,

296
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:05,702
and it's the least we can do.

297
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,045
We shouldn't do anything.

298
00:13:07,134 --> 00:13:08,834
We're already too
involved as it is.

299
00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:10,718
We're not helping him
by letting him stay here.

300
00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:13,306
Well, I can't just
tell him to walk it off.

301
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,098
You're right. I'll do it.

302
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,057
Oh, no.

303
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:22,446
Mona, he does not need your
tough-love tactics right now.

304
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:25,020
I will get rid of
him in my own way.

305
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,719
- Neil?
- Hmm?

306
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,197
I know you think that
being here is gonna help,

307
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:31,507
but I really don't...

308
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,333
Why doesn't anybody
want to marry me?

309
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,901
[Sobbing]

310
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:37,429
[Mouthing words]

311
00:13:42,386 --> 00:13:44,386
[Knock on the door]

312
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:45,515
Hello, hello.

313
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:46,957
Big Dee Dee, hey.

314
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,393
Dee Dee's not here.

315
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,309
Good, because I
stopped by to see you.

316
00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:52,244
I was in the neighborhood picking
up your father's hair pomade.

317
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:53,786
They don't sell it
on our side of town.

318
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:57,921
So, what do you want?

319
00:13:58,011 --> 00:14:00,671
Can't a stepmom just drop by,

320
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:02,152
you know, for a friendly...

321
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:03,832
Ok, I need information
about your mother.

322
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:05,932
What kind of information?

323
00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:10,019
Is there anything
on god's green earth

324
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:12,330
that we might possibly
have in common?

325
00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:13,766
I-I-If you can
think of anything,

326
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,123
it'll just free my mind

327
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:16,592
and save me from
my night terrors.

328
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:21,028
Well, you're both
strong-willed, determined,

329
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:23,561
meddling, over-protective,
somewhat selfish,

330
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,725
maybe insane to
a certain degree,

331
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:27,951
but loving mothers nonetheless.

332
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,521
Hey, you know, I never realized
just how alike you two are.

333
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:36,876
Why are you saying these things?

334
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:39,752
Because it's true.

335
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:41,115
I mean, with that
much in common,

336
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,661
you two should
actually be friends.

337
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,191
Really, sweet peach!

338
00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:46,154
Inviting people in so
you can attack them?

339
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:47,893
No wonder you don't
have more guests.

340
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,893
Actually, you
invited yourself in.

341
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,538
It's like a disease with you.

342
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,512
Hey.

343
00:14:57,592 --> 00:14:59,552
I'm sorry I stuck you
with Neil last night.

344
00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:01,157
Was it hard to get him out?

345
00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:03,418
Not after I pried his
fingers from the doorjamb.

346
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,380
I'm telling you, Mona,
turning Neil away

347
00:15:07,471 --> 00:15:09,691
was one of the hardest
things I've ever done.

348
00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,348
Including telling my
mom she was too old

349
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,132
to wear pants with
"juicy" across the butt.

350
00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:17,743
So what's with the food?

351
00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:20,049
You know I eat
when I feel guilty.

352
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:22,396
No, you don't, I do that.

353
00:15:22,486 --> 00:15:25,526
Wait, you're turning into
me. Should I be worried?

354
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,490
Of course not.

355
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:30,318
I just ruined 2 people's lives.
I'm fine. Couldn't be better.

356
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:32,257
I mean, what woman doesn't
want to see her ex-boyfriend

357
00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:33,539
cry like a little girl?

358
00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:42,771
So, found anything
else we have in common

359
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:44,294
aside from the
men we slept with?

360
00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:47,118
Not a thing. Seems I
was mistaken. Toodles.

361
00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:48,857
I know one thing
we have in common.

362
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,778
We're both very
close to our daughters

363
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:52,692
who tell us everything.

364
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:54,297
So you've spoken with Mona then.

365
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:55,628
I knew she couldn't
keep her mouth shut.

366
00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:56,650
She gets it from you.

367
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,664
She thinks we should
try to be friends.

368
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,662
She told me the very same.

369
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:05,754
And maybe she's
right. I mean, you know,

370
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:09,534
we could try by saying
something nice to each other.

371
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,190
Ok. You first.

372
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,104
All right.

373
00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:15,710
Big Dee Dee,

374
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,410
I think you're a
very good mother.

375
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:19,669
And I you.

376
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:26,073
Except for your drinking.

377
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,678
I know you've been both
mother and father to Mona,

378
00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,491
but growing the mustache
was a step too far.

379
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,148
Well, we gave it a good try.

380
00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:38,080
- Indeed.
- Bye.

381
00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:39,171
Bye.

382
00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:41,778
[Knock on the door]

383
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,957
I was worried about you
so I brought you a surprise.

384
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:50,841
Mona, I'm not
really feeling up to...

385
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,272
Hi, Dee Dee.

386
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:53,659
Janet.

387
00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:55,431
I came to tell you
that it's not your fault

388
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,019
that Neil and I
didn't get married.

389
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,633
I was already having doubts.

390
00:16:58,713 --> 00:16:59,783
I'm feeling better already.

391
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,591
Thanks for stopping by.

392
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:03,352
But, Mona assured me that
you would never do anything

393
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,420
to jeopardize my
relationship with Neil.

394
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,182
Hey, Dee Dee, do you
have an extra tooth...

395
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,246
It can wait.

396
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:15,510
Neil, what are you doing here?

397
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,509
Dee Dee, you told
me he was gone.

398
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:20,261
So you knew he was here?

399
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,783
Uh, see, what happened was...

400
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,647
I didn't have the
heart to kick him out.

401
00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:27,699
I tried, but he just
kept talking and whining

402
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:30,655
and crying and...
Well, it's true.

403
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:33,045
Janet, trust me,
nothing happened.

404
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:34,619
I was only letting him stay here

405
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:36,355
until he was ready
to face the world

406
00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:39,006
because I feel responsible
for ruining his wedding day.

407
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:44,241
And how exactly did you
ruin my wedding, Dee Dee?

408
00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:47,204
Uh, you see, what
happened was...

409
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:52,195
Why haven't you ever told
me about your ex-girlfriend?

410
00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:54,856
Uh, you see...

411
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,637
What happened was...

412
00:17:59,556 --> 00:18:01,516
I just don't like
rehashing the past...

413
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,962
For goodness sake, everyone
in this room has slept with Neil.

414
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,649
The past is the past.
No big deal, moving on.

415
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,353
You slept with Neil?

416
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:12,656
I believe I was moving on.

417
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,273
What is important
is that there's

418
00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:16,664
only one woman in this
room he wanted to marry.

419
00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:18,227
Actually, he wanted
to marry me, too.

420
00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:20,664
That's why we
broke up, actually.

421
00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,406
I don't even know
why I came here.

422
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:25,504
No, wait, look.

423
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,242
You and Neil love each other.

424
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:29,413
You just need to accept
that this man has had a past,

425
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:32,459
and, Neil, you need to be
honest with Janet about that past.

426
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:35,026
Basically, y'all need to
talk and leave us out of it.

427
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:40,511
Can we go somewhere and talk?

428
00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:42,990
Sure.

429
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,349
Can you believe that?

430
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:55,045
Yeah, he didn't
even say thank you.

431
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,624
That ungrateful negro
sat on my couch, crying,

432
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,442
eating up all my
food for 2 days.

433
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:01,860
He better not never
show up in here...

434
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:02,879
Dee Dee...

435
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:05,318
Thanks for everything.

436
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:06,875
Aww, don't mention it.

437
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:14,502
Then my grandma netty looked
me in the eyes on her deathbed,

438
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:16,498
reached deep down in her bosom

439
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,590
and pulled out a special gift.

440
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,809
I thought it was gonna
be sugarless hard candy,

441
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:22,288
but no,

442
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:24,688
it was $100 bill.

443
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:27,212
[Sobbing]

444
00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:31,262
I thought you invited me over
here to get to know me better,

445
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:32,914
but all you want is
your money back.

446
00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:35,697
Well, now that you know,

447
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,313
how about you
give me the hundred,

448
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:39,663
I'll give you a 10,
a 5, and 5 ones,

449
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,013
and we'll call it even.

450
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,442
Unfortunately for
you, I'm a math major,

451
00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:45,100
so... no.

452
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,838
Come on.

453
00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:50,896
Don't you have to follow some
kind of stripper code of conduct?

454
00:19:50,928 --> 00:19:52,888
Of course I do, and it says

455
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,724
if a customer wants
his money back,

456
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,284
he has to earn it.

457
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:03,641
Yeah! 37!

458
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:06,684
Uh-huh! 38!

459
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:08,290
Work it, baby! Work it!

460
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:10,381
Thirty nine!

461
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:14,470
Ooh, and 40!

462
00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:18,870
Forty one!

463
00:20:18,956 --> 00:20:21,696
42! Yeah! Whoo!

464
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,610
Forty three!

465
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,233
[Theme music playing]

466
00:20:27,283 --> 00:20:31,833
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